All you need is Coffee
by iforgotmypassword
Summary: AU. Partial crackfic nonsensicalness. Crazy OCs and... Orochimaru is a crack addict :D R&R please. You know you want to!


"No, I think that you –you are a crazy person, no there, I said it, you're just this crazy mess of crazy blah! That's the only way I can even think of describing you! I mean, what am I supposed to do now? I mean, I don't have a back up plan for this sort of thing. I can't just magically poof an apartment to stay in, it's not going to happen. I need time, I –am going to kill you with a blunt object."

"Sweetie, it'd be good for you, you could stay with that Sakura girl you were friends with in high school! She works at Konoha Realtors too –"

"Mom, you are a psycho. Have you been like plotting this out or something? Like some sick deranged plotter person? Because I mean, that's a real thing. Like there's a group for it, like there is for alcoholics and… and Mexicans! Wait, no. But there totally is! Sdppa! Sdahpahpahah! You could be like, hi my name is Kaede and I'm a sick deranged plotter person. We can work on your problem, you don't have to do this. You don't have to send me a way to fulfill your psychotic needs mom!"

"Az, honey, you're going. You're old enough now to take care of yourself."

"Old enough? I'm like 19, I'm not even legal yet. You make me sound like I'm some thirty-five year old-"

"What's wrong with being thirty-five? I'm thirty-five."

"Yeah, and look at you! You're a future member of Sdahpahpahah!"

* * *

And that would be how I ended up on the train –with all my bags in tow. I mean I can't exactly say I didn't see this coming, my mother had been subtly hinting at it for the past few months, but I never thought she would do something this drastic.

So here I am, sitting next to a Mexican gardener named Jorge and a guy whose little silver flask with starfishes on which I'm pretty sure isn't filled with apple juice, pretty ironic huh? I guess, things could be worse. I could be going there with absolutely no prospects. I've been on this death contraption for easily about thirty minutes. Jorge keeps trying to say something to me but he doesn't seem to understand the part where he is not speaking English. Soooo, Sakura. My favourite roseate, well the only one I know anyway. Back in school, she was like a real brainiac and I'm pretty sure I would never have passed if she hadn't helped me out the way she did. I got straight C's! Well, C+s! It was going to be pretty cool seeing her again after about two years.

Okay I really hope that is my phone and not an over excited Jorge. Ah, phone. Bliss. I don't know the number.

"Helloooo?"

"Az, hi, you can get off the train now."

Female, okay I am going to assume that is Sakura. But why would she want me to get off the train, wasn't it still moving? I looked up and around, there were just a bunch of really fast walking people. Oooh so that was what Jorge was saying!

I departed the train, wishing all the luck in the world to Jorge with his gardening business and pet llama Tina, or was Tina his wife… I wonder.

"MIKATOCHI!!!!!"

We ran to each other, slow motion. Dimmed lights, waves crashing in the background beneath a nebulae of stars, romantic music, SLAP. Ok that last one didn't fit in, at all.

"OW!!! What was that for?" I yelled at her, rubbing my now very red cheek.

"Do you have any idea how late you are? I was supposed to fetch you two hours ago, but you never came off the train and it just kept going! I thought you had gotten shot or something, I had to call in a favour with Ernie to get you back here before 5! You idiot!!" Her green eyes were burning, and slightly watery.

I was about to speak and rectify my situation by telling her Jorge's fabulous life story but she interrupted me by saying, "Let's just go home, you have a long day ahead of you tomorrow and its nearly ten."

* * *

Sakura's apartment was amazing, to say the least. With huge glass windows and a snazzy white leather couch –not to mention that kitchen. That kitchen made my heart race, there was however, a downfall. Another roommate, well I guess I can't really say that yet because I haven't met her but… Her name is Secchan, Sakura says she's away on her leave taking advantage of attractive Italian men. She steered me towards what would be my room, it was stunning. Parquet floors with a slightly off-white wall with an origan finish and then a humongous window that took up an entire wall. In short, her "apartment" was quite a lot more like a Vegas suite. So after unpacking, we ate aldente pasta, and I passed out on that white leather couch.

I had the weirdest dream. It was dark, and then there was this bright blue light and a PING! Sound. Someone opened the door and I stepped out of a washing machine in a great big flouncy white wedding dress holding a coffee mug saying Mrs. U. My stupid fingers were blocking the rest of the name from my view, I see a pair of loafers walking about and suddenly I'm tripping and falling and the coffee flies everywhere and the mug falls to the ground and shatters. Then I hear someone yelling "get up! Get up!"

SLAP. I'm up, now I remember why I lost contact with that girl. I open my eyes, and blink a few times and watch as Sakura's face comes into focus. She looks pretty much the mirror image of me, dead to the world. Half asleep. Take your pick.

"Az, you should probably go shower and get ready," she said, leaning back a bit, her hair is damp so I'm assuming she just did that herself.

Okay so I know it may sound a little weird but when I got into the bathroom and saw the alien capsule, I shuddered a bit. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've had my fair share of showers before but, this was more than a shower. This was a rocket ship. I stripped down to my skivvies and leapt in.


End file.
